What does it mean to be in and to fall in love? Who actually qualifies as the one your in love with? The one who you miss? The one you’re jealous of? The one you clean up after? The boy making funny faces at me from across the library?
I’ve been with the same person for two years and already it feels like we are an old married couple. I use to want the relationship that I’m in; a stable, comfortable relationship. All of that has changed though and I guess I don’t know what I want anymore. Which makes it hard for my mate since he feels he must change to better suit my needs. I really don’t know what those needs are though, honestly I don’t.
I look back and am a little sad. Maybe I’ve missed my chance at something else. Maybe that is why I’m feeling this way. Maybe I just want what’s just out of my reach and everyday it gets a little further until it completely disappears from sight.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my boyfriend. I absolutely adore him. He’s probably more than I deserve. Without him I don’t know what I would do, especially in Humboldt which is just not the place for me. I just wonder why I am so lonely.
Maybe I’m just in a funk. Maybe I want too much or maybe I just need to know what I need. I’m not searching for love like in the movies. I’m searching for happiness. Sometimes love isn’t all you need. People accuse me of being selfish for such a goal but I feel it would be nice to find happiness and share it with someone.

And recently I've made a new friend and it already seems like we've know each other much longer than a few days. All of a sudden I find myself wishing I could stay just another week or so but I know I don't want to stay here. Relationships are fickle even if they are just the kind for friends and it would seem silly to stay for that. I'm sure he'll get tired of me before the week is through anyway. I find myself excited about going home and being able to start working again and seeing my friends but i already i begin to feel nostalgic.