expedition

i work by myself early in the mornings with the occasional company of one of my regulars. i haven't been keeping up with my once constant schedule so even they hardly come anymore. in this time i end up thinking too much to myself. one of my friends stopped by and we talked a little about school.

so one thing led to another and today i thought a little bit about my family.
i thought a little bit about my father and some of the things he asks me sometimes. i wonder how much he knows about me. after four years of veganism, he still asks me if i want to eat ribs with the family. he and rhonda still assume i do drugs regardless of anything anyone else knows that point to the contrary (still assuming, not assuming still). he doesn't know what music i listen to, my favorite color, what foods i like, who i'm dating at any given time (they still are not convinced i'm not dating ivan). it's a little irritating to be honest.

i'm not one to reach out by myself, so some of it may be my fault but i can't help but thinking that a little interest could be shone on the other side.

i don't think that he even knows that i hang out by myself all day. a couple weeks ago i had spent so much time at the park that i got the cops called on me by concerned neighbors. it's just hard to be here. It's hard when i want to practice any sort of music since it's not allowed in the house. usually i spend some extra time at work. by the time i finish my shift one of my friends will start theirs, so i linger for the company. as the routine goes, i'll drive by house, if rhonda's there i keep driving and go to the park, if not i'll go inside to practice or read, but we know how this half usually turns out.

i just need to be close to people again, not just mentally but physically. i feel so disconnected from people and need that. it's not that i need anything sexual, just closeness and comfort without awkwardness.

i suppose that's why i've been getting into all those crappy relationships like bobby and maybe that's why i had so many problems with ivan, but at this point i guess i'd rather be a hermit than do that sort of thing again, either one.

i've been doing a lot of good reflection though. i've been fixing up my diet so that i can be healthy again, spending more time outside, and calling up old friends. While i don't see much coming from that friends part, i at least want to keep ties up.






however, this summer looks promising
new friends are helping me keep my chin up

Strawberry Jam

i hate reoccurring emotions how certain ones just don't go away and that time doesn't make it any easier.

on a lighter note, i've found a couple new artists that i would like to share.

Ben Kehoe one of two brother artists. I love his bio which says "I am an artist currently located in Pittsburgh, PA. I graduated from Temple University in 2001 and use my degree as source of constant self amusement.You may ask me why I opted to get a communications degree and my answer would be a blank stare followed by an exploding M80 which would give me time to escape into a dark alleyway where I could sob unashamedly.

My influences are nature, pattern-based medieval artwork, comical violence and uncomfortable situations."

enough said








The last, is the other Kehoe brother Andy. He has also put a funny bio on his site but it's a little too long to put on here. They both seem like awesome guys, but as a secret, i like andy's art better.

again with the photographs

So I'm studying for my photography final and so I've been looking at work from my favorite photographer, Sally Mann. She is best known for her family portraits, in which she recruits her young children as models for very dark and eerie portraits. As you probably noticed...I'm all into the dark and eerie.

Her children are actually a little older than I am now, but that's just a side note.


there is a documentary on her by the title WHAT REMAINS: THE LIFE AND WORK OF SALLY MANN. if anyone gets ahold of it please get ahold of me. please?

i'm sure you've all seen it already but one of my favorite series i've come across is called The Ninth Floor. It was born when Jessica Dimmock spent three years documenting the happenings of a ninth floor apartment on fifth ave in manhattan. during that time (circa 2004) there were anywhere from twenty to thirty heroine addicts living there.

i almost want to call it a character study but it's more than that. the suspension of reality we find in characters is lost here and dimmock is able to catch an almost anthropological study. it's erie and a bit jarring but it is real. the surrealness of the life you can see in these dead faces never ceases to capture my intrest



here is a good selection and interview

BUT

here is the whole series

it's ocarina time!!!

so brent found this amazing guy on youtube. we all thought the suzuki music method would never come in handy but now we recognize these japanese folk tunes!


he's Daniel's new idol.






apparently broccoli work the best



his little girl is the best

riverside

after the flea market i headed up to riverside to see my friend mike. <---
for people who don't know, mike was one of my mini-muses last fall when i was writing more (in Naomi, which is still not finished). I met him on his birthday last year, then he ended up being in arcata during a trip i took back "home" there. since then we became friends.

i think most people have heard mike xvx (you can listen to his stuff here)
but i met paul's friend miguel as well.

i suggest you CHECK HIM OUT

he also plays trombone in a band called citizen fish if you are familiar.

his solo stuff is pretty folky and awesome

and to the sons and daughters of last.fm he doesn't have a profile up, so i may have to make one. i'm trying to decide if it's creepy for me to do that or not...

three/four time

So I thought I might put up some of my shots since no one has seen my photos. Granted i don't really like to put the ones i develop by hand up online since a) they never look like they do in real life and b) i have an aversion in going into steven's room to use the scanner. soo... crappy photos COMING UP!











This one won't go right side up and i'm waaaay too lazy to fix that, also this is an example of why I don't put hand-made photos online. This print is actually BLUE in real life, I toned that sucker for sooo long. and by long i mean, not very long at all but regardless...it's blue.
the other thing about my manual photography is that as a general rule, if i'm using "messy borders" which is what you can see here, or something that isn't extremely clean, I like dust. I see it like a little stamp that it's made by hand and not on a machine, made with love and toxic chemicals...mmmm




also, today at juice it up! we juiced about SEVEN apples. I took the little peely left over stuff and am going to attempt to make raw apple pie with it. Wish me luck, I'll tell you how it goes.

Summer Tour Split

So Lost Sound Tapes is releasing a summer tour split 7'' for watercolor paintings and iji.

And you can listen to it right now!

HERE

I'm not sure if anyone remembers Watercolor Paintings. They are a brother sister duo from Santa Barbara and they did a little house show here in San Clemente at the Construct, not to be confused with the New Construct :). We know them through Alex...Smith that is. Anyway, it's a good time to be had. If you're in the mood for some super cute tunes, check them out.
Indiana and Sneezes are both highly recommended.

Fingerprints

Last Sunday Ryan and I hit up Fingerprints in Long Beach to see a certain Sam Beam//Iron and Wine.
he makes me blush.


Basically the best day ever.









oh and within an hour of posting the videos on youtube a girl sent me a message explaining that i basically ruined her life because i didn't record harvest....yep


up next gogol bordello in santa cruz, and maybe in boston too?